When an employee comes back to work after a death, the organisation faces a quiet test: how to support grief with empathy while maintaining clarity of role and expectation.
The Unspoken Reality
Imagine an employee returning after a funeral. Their inbox is full, meetings are waiting, the phone will not stop ringing. Inside, they are learning how to live in a world without someone they loved. At work, they are expected to deliver, to “be fine,” to carry on as before. Yet their brain and body know that something has changed.
In the United Kingdom, this reality carries both a human and economic cost. Research from Sue Ryder estimates that bereavement among working-age people costs the economy around £23 billion per year in lost productivity. Of this, approximately £8 billion comes from reduced tax revenue, healthcare expenses, and social-care costs.
Nearly one in four working adults experiences a significant bereavement each year. These are not abstract figures. They represent real people and the hidden costs of returning to the workplace unchanged.
The Neuroscience of a Grieving Brain
What does grief actually do to the brain? Neuroscientist Mary-Frances O’Connor, author of The Grieving Brain, describes how loss activates circuits of attachment, reward, and social pain. The brain must learn new patterns: registering absence, re-wiring daily maps, and redistributing attention.
Some of the most common effects include:
- Cognitive slowdown: reduced concentration, memory lapses, and difficulty making decisions.
- Emotional reactivity: stronger amygdala responses and slower regulation from the prefrontal cortex.
- Fatigue and dysregulation: stress systems remain activated, leaving people exhausted and emotionally raw.
At work, this means someone might be physically present but mentally and emotionally depleted. When someone returns to work but functions below capacity, known as “grief presenteeism” , it is not a sign of disengagement or lack of commitment. It is biology. Understanding that transforms compassion from a soft idea into an operational principle.
Why the Old Models Don’t Work
Many workplaces still follow an outdated script: just a few days of compassionate leave (the UK average is three to five) before expecting full performance again. Yet grief alters the brain and body far beyond that brief window of absence.
Sue Ryder’s analysis found that most of the £23 billion annual cost arises from reduced capacity while at work, not absence. When an employee’s brain is still reorganising and the workplace demands normal performance, the mismatch can cause further distress, disengagement, or burnout. Ignoring grief is not only inhumane. It is economically short-sighted.
What Compassion Could Look Like in Practice
Compassion at work is not lenience. It is intelligent clarity. It combines human understanding with structured support.
Flexible return plans: phased schedules, hybrid work, or temporary task adjustments acknowledge that the nervous system needs time to recalibrate.
Psychological safety in conversation: managers can be trained to ask simple, open questions such as “How are you managing?” or “What would help right now?” rather than avoiding the subject.
Peer and mentorship support: pairing a grieving employee with a trusted colleague normalises the conversation and reduces isolation.
Acknowledgement rituals: small gestures like a card, a moment of silence, a team check-in on an anniversary to remind the employee that their loss has been seen.
When workplaces offer these supports, people tend to return more engaged and loyal, not less productive.
The Manager’s Balancing Act
Leaders often feel the tension between empathy and performance. Neuroscience offers guidance here too. When the brain perceives uncertainty or threat, stress intensifies. When expectations are clear and options are offered, the nervous system steadies.
A manager might say:
“Here is what we need to achieve this quarter. Given your return, let us map how to approach it, what adjustments make sense, and how we will check in weekly.”
This is not indulgence. It is structure grounded in humanity. It reduces anxiety for both the employee and the team, and it strengthens trust, a cornerstone of sustainable performance.
A Culture Shift
Supporting grief is part of a larger transformation toward psychologically healthy workplaces. Across the UK, more organisations are extending bereavement leave, training managers in grief awareness, and embedding compassion into wellbeing programmes.
When an organisation treats grief as part of the human experience rather than a disruption to manage, it builds resilience. Performance often improves because people feel valued and secure. Grief, in this sense, becomes a leadership training ground where emotional intelligence meets clarity and purpose.
Closing Reflection
When someone walks back into the office after loss, they are not returning to their old life. They are learning to live inside altered terrain. Their neural maps, their rhythms, their sense of self have changed. Our workplaces can either deepen that disorientation or help steady the ground beneath them.
How will your organisation show up?
Could the way we respond to grief become the measure of a truly human workplace?
Grief Resilience Scorecard : https://sylvia-wolfer-grief-support.scoreapp.com/
Explore 5 key areas of resilience to understand how your mind and body are coping with grief. See whether you are adapting or running on autopilot, and what might help you find steadier ground.